Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Quite Contrary...

When did I become the person I am today? Was it a result of self-preservation? Or was I always me. Did I build these walls? or was I born surrounded by bricks? Have I always masked my emotions? Or was I replaced by this mask?

I feel...I cry...I long for touch and tenderness...so why am I incapable?

I wish to comfort...but I am broken. I am sorry there's just nothing here. But yet I am an optimist? Naive and living in a fairytale where anything is possible?! and why not! why can't dreams come true? If I work hard enough and believe enough?! Why do we have to be destined to make our parents' mistakes?! Can't I want more!! Shouldn't I demand it?!

I feel as though I am at a crossroads...and I'm terrified of making the wrong turn. I know I'm the only one who can navigate my life...but if I accuse a quitter and then give up myself, am I not a quitter too?


Kristina P. said...

Crossroads are sucky! I hope you figure things out. You will do it!

Gloria said...

Familiar crossroads! I've myself have traveled these roads......!
I believe we do from time to time and it is healthy!

I had to learn to let go and move forward and in the process some people where eliminated from my life.

On to a crochet subject! I chose the colors for the entrelac blanket, terra cotta, expresso and a tan/beige....!

I don't think I am going to start it until the week of labor day. Tom and I will be on vacation and following vacation I have at least 3 to 4 therapy visits per week so I will be spending time in waiting rooms months.